Today was one of those days where I wanted to throw in the towel. I was exhausted from yesterday’s hazing for the Mamavation mom applicants, the two week challenge, and the track workout. I was fatigued and I really did not feel like doing anything except for sitting in the Jacuzzi and resting my aching bones. Fortunately, I did not rely on my feelings and going in the Jacuzzi would have required a bathing suit at the gym. Instead, I pushed myself through and did all I was supposed to do.
My stupid scale is making me frustrated. I lost seven pounds last week and this week it has not budged. Yes, I need to be happy I lost seven pounds. At the same time, I want the damn thing to move. I am doing everything perfect! Drinking water, check! Eating healthy, check! Journaling, check! Exercising, check! Grrr. Just move already!
There were lots of jumping jacks, jumping rope, and planks on the hazing workout. I was both angry with myself for being so out of shape and in a general foul mood because I was exhausted. I found a way to channel my energy into a productive workout. I managed to get some much needed housecleaning in, while hubby cooked “rock soup” for dinner.
I half watched the Biggest Loser on DVR, yet I could not get completely into it. My head was in another place. I have been sleeping great since I started running again and I feel like a fog has lifted. I know I am getting enough sleep. My head was completely sucked into the dread of the run, however and I could not focus on the show.
I did not get my running in until 9:00 p.m. It was dark and it necessitated a trip to the gym on the dreadmill. I realized once I got there that I had forgotten my Ipod. I needed to do what I could to keep myself focused. I had to do 30-40 minutes and at the beginning, I was dreading it. I got on the treadmill and gave it several dirty looks before getting started. It took me an entire mile to get my head in the right place.
The scheduled run was an easy run, so I set the treadmill to 11:34 and got started. I felt like there were weights holding my feet to the ground. I managed to run a full mile without stopping, while my calves were on fire. En fuego! Ouch! I stretched out for a second, then hopped back on. I was beating myself up for not running faster and for 11:34 feeling like I was sprinting.
Is it because I am tired? Am I taking this too seriously?
I managed to pull 2.5 miles out of my butt in 30 minutes. Honestly, I felt so much better when I was done. It was hanging over my head all day that I had all this exercise to squeeze in and no one was lending me any extra hours in my day to get it done. I did it! I managed to workout. I know the next several weeks I am going to have to concentrate on the bigger picture and keep myself from fixating on insignificant details.
At orientation, Coach Paul, the marathon coach, was encouraging the group in the way only he can. He threw out a statistic. Less than one percent of the population ever completes a marathon. That makes us an elite group. The fact that I am even trying it is something I need to be proud of.
The next time I am Mrs. Grumpy pants, I am going to try to find some positive things to focus on. I can do this. I have done it before. I need to look at the bigger picture.