This week was one of the toughest weeks I have had on the fitness and weight loss front since I (re)started at the beginning of the year. I had a false sense that everything was going to be wonderful and easy the first week of this year. I had a positive outlook. I lost seven pounds. I began a fantastical journey to weight loss, good health, and started marathon training. This time, everything was going to go according to plans.
This week, I realized that you do not always get your way—or weigh—as the case may be. I did not lose a pound. In fact, I tacked on two pounds for good measure. I worked my butt off and the scale failed to fall. Instead, it is plus two. I struggled.
Saturday, I ran my long run. I had 50 minutes scheduled and decided to run an hour and do five easy miles. Instead, I ran four of the most difficult miles I can remember.
The run started out okay, except for the migraine I had for two straight days. I got about ¾ of a mile in before my shins and calves proceeded to burn like crazy. I found a curb and tried to stretch. The pain was unbearable. All of a sudden, I got completely overwhelmed about the proverbial road ahead of me. I realized at that moment how incredibly out of shape I am. What if I cannot complete a marathon? What if I do not lose any weight? I have a 10K slated for Super Bowl weekend. Can I complete six miles? Dear God, how long is it going to take me to run six miles?
I started crying right there in the middle of the road. Like a blubbering idiot, I am crying and praying in the street. I was begging God to help me to get strong. I do not know if it was out of utter frustration, not eating properly, PMS, a combination of the three, or what exactly ailed me. Nevertheless, I completely lost it.
I finally got it together and accepted my run for what it was: lots of walking, lots of jogging, with some running sprinkled in here and there. I managed to run/walk/jog four miles in 60 minutes. According to the coach we are to only concern ourselves with time on our feet. For that, I met the goal although I failed at the high expectations I had set for myself.
I set myself up for failure with the unrealistic expectations. As a result, I ran about 15 minutes slower than I ran the same mileage the previous week. Had I not freaked out like a FREAK I may have experienced a different outcome. If there is a lesson to be learned here, I presume it is to stop being so fixated on where I need to be and really focus on doing what I can in this very moment– easier said than done.
I am cancer free, my health is improving, and I am getting into shape. It may not be a quick, easy road and it might even get messy sometimes. Sometimes it is not a perfect process. Sometimes it is about the journey itself. This journey, for me, is not going to be unicorns and rainbows, even if I would like it to be.
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