November 1, 2014 should have been the celebration of the 3 month anniversary of my sister’s marriage to her husband and soul mate, Bradley Hayes. Instead, November 10, was the one month anniversary of his brutal murder. When I type that out, my mouth still goes agape, in disbelief. Not only did he die, far too young, he was senselessly murdered. A full month later, the reality of what happened to our family—what happened to Brad’s family—still hasn’t sunken in. Not an hour goes by, without the pain in my heart of what three sick, demented people have done, for reasons we still aren’t completely apprised of, but can only be described as SENSELESS, SELFISH and motivated by robbery.

We met Brad nearly six years ago, when my sister was 32. From the moment Mr. Bear and I met him, he was fun to be around, easy to talk to and profoundly likeable. He was spontaneous and made even the most mundane of tasks an adventure. It didn’t take long for Brad to fit right in with our family. We spent summers and holidays together, with Brad’s two children: Halloween trick-or-treating, fishing at the nearby lake, Oktoberfest in Anaheim, Disneyland, visits from Easter Bunny, Christmas, and Thanksgiving.

Denise and Brad would often stay at our home in San Diego, where we would have picnics on the beach, or take the kids to the San Diego Zoo, Sea World, Belmont Park or some other exciting adventure. From nearly the first moment they met, Allison considered Brad’s two girls to be her cousins, even though it was years later that Brad and Denise tied the knot, making it official. These girls were my nieces from the start and always will be.

Brad and his children happily adopted our family tradition of going to Knott’s Berry Farm every fall during the holidays—a tradition that is 30 years strong for our family. Many happy memories were created there, where we rode rides, carefully chose personalized holiday ornaments to hang on the Christmas tree, and where the guys (my dad, Brad, my husband, my brother and occasionally our family friend, Steve) would peel off and head for the fast rides and the girls (my mom, my sister, my sister-in-law, Brad’s mom Rhonda and I) would head to Camp Snoopy for the kiddie rides for the younger girls. It was a place where memories were created and where family connections were reinforced. As we approach the holiday season, a feeling of emptiness overwhelms my heart. Our family will never be the same again, after this tragic act of cowardice that stole a beautiful soul from our family.

November 19 will be another court date and another hearing for the murderers—just one more court appearance that will, hopefully, result in justice for Brad. Losing a loved one is difficult, however, it is compounded exponentially when the loved one is brutally murdered. People ask me all the time lately, “How is your sister?” It has been a challenging question to answer. I pause to answer because I don’t know how she is. How is a person that loses the love of her life to a brutal murder? I know she’s a strong person. I know she is very strong. Nevertheless, the course of her life has been forever altered by this event. She wasn’t supposed to spend holidays without Brad. She wasn’t supposed to be contacting the District Attorney to find out details of the murder case of her husband. She wasn’t supposed to be using her vacation time from work to attend the murder trial. They were supposed to be honeymooners. They were supposed to grow old together. She wasn’t supposed to have to be strong by herself. Brad was supposed to be by her side. I don’t know. How is my sister? Time will tell. All we can do, is be here for her when she needs us, but we can’t unbreak her broken heart.

Brad was a hard worker and always helping others. He was a veteran of the National Guard and worked as a lineman on power lines. He would offer to help whenever there was work to be done. He would often tell my dad, “I can help you with that!” whenever there was a project that needed to be completed. He would often give money to the homeless and was always thinking of others. Brad was staying at an RV park, while he was working 2 hours from home the week before he was murdered. It was this RV park, where the news media reported he was “camping”. He often stayed at RV parks when he was called to work far away from home.  It was his spirit of giving that ultimately cost him his life. The people that murdered him didn’t have a place to stay and Brad had offered to let them stay in Denise and Brad’s RV.

He had cashed his payroll check the evening prior to the murder and now, that money has disappeared. It is unconscionable that he may have been murdered for a few thousand dollars. You can read some of the details here. The murderers claimed Brad kidnapped them. In actuality, he had opened his RV to them, out of kindness.

Brad is survived by his wife (my sister) Denise, three children and a granddaughter. Last Tuesday, Brad’s newest niece, Scotlyn Bradley was born. We have set up a fund on GoFundMe.com to assist the family that Brad leaves behind. There are many unexpected expenses that have resulted from this unforeseen tragedy.  The trial will likely go on for years. Denise is going to need a lot of support—financially and emotionally. If you find it in your heart to help, it is greatly appreciated. You can donate to the Bradley Hayes Memorial fund at GoFundMe.com.

I am closing this post with a picture of Brad being active and doing the job he loved to do. He was kind, fun, adventurous. He was a good husband and father. He was a good friend and a good soul. He was all those things. This tragedy doesn’t take any of that away. Brad, you are loved and you are missed.